What do I mean with hiding? In living our lives, we can either show up as us or we can hide, hide in plain sight so to speak.
As much as I had been involved in organizations, I hid who I was without even being aware of it. Who are you? I mean, who are YOU? How much do we live our lives based on or in reaction to the projections we have received from childhood, actually infancy onward? How many belief systems of how things are supposed to be have we bought? Does all of that have anything to do with who we truly are or what is true for us? How much do we hold back in order to fit in? That means we do not show up as who we are, we hide.
Around the age of 15 I became keenly aware of how much I did not fit in. For most of my life I looked to find ways to fit in, to be normal and I never quite accomplished that. – What does normal mean anyway? – In my 50’s I finally was able to make peace with the fact that I would not fit in and I resigned myself. That still meant to not stick out too much as being different. Today, I acknowledge the fact that I am different and no longer hide it either. Deal with it world!
There is one aspect where I still struggle and that is to receive the judgment that comes from others as a result of no longer hiding. There are still times when I contract instead of staying aware that not only are these judgments not real, they also are a projection of the one who judges me. Miguel Ruiz said in the 4 Agreements to not take anything personal. It’s so true. And there are also the moments when I chuckle and say to myself: I wonder if you intended to tell me what you just told me; based on the fact that we judge in another that which we do not want to see in ourselves.
There are a few people in my life where I have felt “naked” and still do. Their listening skills are incredible; two of them are just plain psychic. And, I have to admit, I do not mind to be “naked” with them. They are also the ones that I have never felt judged by.
Not hiding who I am, does not mean to blurt out things. I still stay aware of what the other can hear. It is not kind to talk about things someone can not take in, that go over their head.
Hiding is also no longer an option with the workshop I am teaching: Being You – The Evening/One Day Adventure. The certification class was one of the hardest classes I have taken. It took me places that I had no clue were there or that I thought I would be able to go to. So much changed for me; so much I am grateful for.
The other night, I thought to myself: I have no clue who I am anymore. And right away there was the question: So who will you choose to be now? What if we are willing to re-invent ourselves every day? How much of an adventure would life be? How much would that be an invitation to find out who I truly am, who you truly are?
Are you accepting the invitation?