This seems to be a strange title. How can I be intimate with myself? What if intimacy has nothing to do with sex, with copulation? What if into-me-see is only an aspect of intimacy? What if there are elements to intimacy that one can apply to others as well as oneself? The elements are Honor, Trust, Vulnerability, Allowance and Gratitude.
If you do not have these elements for yourself, you keep looking to others to find you. You can not have intimacy with someone else if you do not have it with yourself. If you are looking to have a great relationship with someone intimacy is required.
Let’s take a look at the elements and begin with Honor. To honor yourself is to treat yourself with respect, to recognize your greatness even if, in the moment, it is not obvious to you. It also means to do only that which is honoring of you. Independently of what belief systems are in your culture, you choose for you, what works for you. Following an external ‘you have to’ is not honoring you.
Do you trust yourself or are you having to be something for someone else? If you trust yourself, you are willing to perceive, know, be and receive you. It’s not about getting it all right at some point. Trusting yourself is different from having blind faith that something will work out, even when you know it will not.
Vulnerability means having no barriers up. I know we learn that we have to protect ourselves, often by keeping secrets. Yet, we are safer when our walls are down. Look at it from this perspective. If someone ‘attacks’ you, they are expecting your walls to be up and they are ready to hammer against them until they break. If you have no walls there, what can they hammer against? It just falls flat. If you are are vulnerable by having no fixed point of view, nobody can control you; there is nothing to grab on to.
Allowance (see last month’s article for additional information) means you consider everything to be an interesting point of view, you don’t align, agree, resist or react to what someone else is saying. As a result, nothing sticks you, nothing provokes you. It allows you to be you no matter what, even if no one else is willing to be them.
Gratitude can only exist when judgment is absent. Can you be grateful for the things you are accomplishing? Once you start having gratitude for yourself, you begin to be in allowance of yourself. Gratitude is one of the most potent antidotes to the self-judgment so many of us have.
From the time we are little girls, there are so many demands placed on us that often we have no idea of what we truly desire. It is something we have to learn. How much more can we contribute if we are included in it? Our cup is full then.