What does it mean to be in allowance?
Are allowance and acceptance two different words for the same thing? Outwardly, they seem to be the same.
Let’s start with the second one. Allowance and acceptance are worlds apart. Perceive the energy of each word. What do you notice?
With acceptance there is a sense of being powerless, of being unable to do anything to change the situation. How often do we hear: You have to accept the fact that …. (fill in the blank). That tends to come from a person who seeks to have power over another one. Can you see how those go together?
Being in allowance requires the person to make a choice. I may not be able to change anything, yet I am choosing how to deal with it instead of being at the effect of it. And, since I am in an active position, I may find a way to change at least something in the situation.
As much as we do not like the word, acceptance is the stance of a so called doormat. I know, I have been one, despite the fact that people saw me as an active person, a go getter. I was a doormat. Every time, there was an argument, I would withdraw. Today, I am in allowance. I use the tool of asking questions to decide if I let something slide or if I say something. There is no reason to talk if the other is unable to hear what I have to say. There are times when my awareness of where people are coming from makes me utterly mad / angry. These are the times when I need to increase my allowance.
Being pragmatic, I often look at what is the benefit of something; in this case is there a benefit to acceptance or allowance? Or why would we choose the one over the other? I am choosing to be in allowance. Why? With allowance, I can let another person have their view point, despite me having a totally different one, without having the need to either defend my viewpoint or have any emotion come up. With allowance I can be friends with someone who does not see the world my way, based on the fact that the person is kind, or funny, or likes to do things with others, etc. And I can choose to be who I am without having the need of someone else’s approval.
If I would operate from acceptance, it would be important to be accepted by others. There is a strong desire to fit in. This, in turn, means I have to constantly be in judgment if my actions are approved. I am who someone else wants me to be. Acceptance also means to agree with the more common points of view in regards to how one behaves, what is right or wrong. The space from which I can choose is fenced in by the parameters I have accepted. I can not choose from all the possible choices, I have very limited choice.
For me, it is more fun to be around people who live life on their terms. They pique my curiosity. They show me what I might not yet have considered.