What does it mean to be in allowance?
Are allowance and acceptance two different words for the same thing? Outwardly, they seem to be the same.
Allowance and acceptance are worlds apart. Perceive the energy of each word. What do you notice?
With acceptance, there is a sense of being powerless. How often do we hear: You have to accept the fact that …. (fill in the blank). It might come from a person who seeks to have power over you.
Being in allowance requires me to make a choice. I may not be able to change anything, yet I am choosing how to deal with it instead of being at the effect of it.
As much as we do not like the word, acceptance is the stance of a so called doormat. I know, I have been one, despite the fact that people did not see me that way. I was a doormat. Every time, there was a confrontation or an argument, I would withdraw, I would leave myself through my back door. Today, I am in allowance. I use the tool of asking questions to decide if I let something slide or if I say something. Any form of NO! is something everyone understands. There is no reason to talk if the other is unable or unwilling to hear what I have to say.
Being pragmatic, I often look at what is the benefit of something; is there a benefit to acceptance or allowance? Or why would we choose the one over the other? I am choosing to be in allowance. Why? With allowance, I can let another person have their view point, despite me having a totally different one, without having the need to either defend my viewpoint or have any emotion come up. With allowance, I can be friends with someone who does not see the world my way, solely based on the fact that the person is kind or funny. And I can choose to be who I am without having the need of someone else’s approval.
If I would operate from acceptance, it would be important to be accepted by the other. In our culture, there is a strong desire to fit in. This, in turn, means I have to constantly be in judgment if my actions are approved. I become who someone else wants me to be (see January’s article). Acceptance also means to agree with the more common points of view in regards to how one behaves, what is right or wrong. The space from which I can choose is fenced in by the parameters I have accepted from others. I have very limited choice. Those choices usually do not include what is working for me since then I would not be in acceptance
I have lived much of my life catering to the expectations of others. It is more fun to be around people who live life on their terms. They pique my curiosity. They show me what I might not yet have considered.